i dance with my dogs in the night time,

it ain't safe for the black or the white girls.

we are not alike

hawks eat cranes.

mush doggies, mush into my inbox!

                           everybody wants something from me

                               c̶r̶e̶d̶e̶n̶z̶a̶ ̶s̶p̶l̶i̶t̶s̶                              

                                  n̶e̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶p̶s̶

my prickly high's bough floods dips and float away

like incidence        i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶ ̶i̶ ̶l̶i̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶

                                it f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶ ̶l̶i̶e̶

                                ↑ hurts, but lie sultry

married to the money                               fuck the world

                                           =  that's adultery

​

*looks at own reflection*

“they coulda made the graphics way better.

that shit looks so fake”

on stage my band is playing,

i emerge from a coffin under

hundreds of copies of

Alien vs Predator on blu-ray

just wait til the black shit inside me turns to Sprite,

then you'll see what i'm really made of

stop callin em ur “girls”

its pronounced “tiddyballs”

i’m in the corner,

sasquatching you kiss her

the only reason dudes wear wifebeaters is to rip

them off in a shopping center parking lot

PSYCHO HOSE BEAST GANG

is it illegal to look at porn on ur phone in public?

also: why am i like this?

can I just for once in my life get a

“ayy bruh, nice nips!”

meditating on life’s tough questions, like: what’s the funniest way to dispose of my used-up sex toys?

recurring daymare: the security cameras at work can see what I look at on my phone during breaks

his earth’s nullity

her earth’s mars’ hell

kick rox u suthern blox. brimming with dildos.

define urself in accordance to my art! is that so much to ask?

scantily clad one trick pony

supportive friends: “just be yourself”

me: “who the fuck is that?”

you: “so what’s the scariest movie ever?”

me, a horror expert: “it’s called called waking up

everyday, its super long and takes place entirely

in my house.”

here lies webdepression.

cause of death: embarrassed, for you. embarrassment by

proximity to you. we thought he just fainted. he died instantly.

are there really restaurants where a guy in a tux goes table to table

playing a violin? i’ve yet to witness this in real life.

“what would you say is your one monumental

life achievement?”

me, on my deathbed:

“traumatizing trusting people over and over”

(looks away)

yall: “i’ll get scared of haunted house movies

when they show one as white and boring as mine”

*watches paranormal activity*

yall: “god dammit…”

CHRISTIAN SLUHTZ

bones in ur backpack

=

skeletons in ur closet

skatestoppers on the Titanic’s grand staircase railing

mudwrestling but with bronzer. i’d do it.

pale and bruised is over. it’s all about being

tan and lacerated now

power move for the workplace: pull ur dick out waaay before

you get to the bathroom.

*to demonstrate extra authority, pull ur sac out too*

how should my friend balance his

Super Soul Sunday side with his

wanting you to spit in his mouth side?

(asking for a friend)

riling up the sex goofster in my jalopy with uncommon precedence

my biography titles:

“Pamper Me, Fudge-O!”

“The Oiling: Way Grainier Than I Remember”

“A Basking Nugget”

“Hang Back a Sec Because I Love You”

tonguedressin torchurine shegetz for humanity

minatory draculish clinic

goes tits up, satiated

DJ Coatchek

DJ ThyGap

DJ StayKums

DJ StormDrayne

DJ FyoodAlizm

DJ PreeMeeez

blondterage skedaddling

a bobblehead of me but shrugging instead of nodding

what’s the point of being rich if you

don’t have gargoyles in your house?

me, texting the empty

void that is existence:

“ay QT, how u?”

empty void: “i have a bf”